Can i not drive my cunt home
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
