someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
