I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
