Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
