a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
