I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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