I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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