I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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