Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
