i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
