just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
