i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
