If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
