He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you never un-have a 4some
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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