He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
