dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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