My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
