You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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