My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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