he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
