they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I touched a dick in church today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
