I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
