quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
