matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sober January is a disaster.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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