do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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