i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
