D3 body, D1 cock
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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