he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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