I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
