I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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