Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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