I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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