Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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