3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
