I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
