I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
