Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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