he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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