Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
