last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
