Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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