I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
