My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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