I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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