I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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