i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
