I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
