Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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