Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
