the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
