I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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