My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's paint friendship bongs
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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