I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
