you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
