i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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