I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
