When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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