He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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