My balls are so social today.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize