i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
