im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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