You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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