You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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