she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
