currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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