To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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