dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
