fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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