Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
