Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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