Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
