Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
