If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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