he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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