he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
