I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
