Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
