afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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