You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
