i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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