Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
