Jerry, you need to find god
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
