I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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