You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
