But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
