We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
